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JANET HARDY, love without expectations

Janet Hardy and his book "The Ethical Slut" is the international benchmark when it comes to new models of relationships of love and sex. Weirdly, there has not been translated.

The past 22 to 24 June Barcelona she was invited as a speaker in the "Xplore, the Festival on the Art of Lust", a rather surprising event that that twist all inherited prejudices and practices about sexuality, the body and emotional relationships (see The Direct 278). The mentality of Janet Hardy and the contents of the "Xplore" are both open and revolutionaries, will be loaded with the boundaries between what is considered acceptable in sex and relationships, it seemed that a group of aliens had landed Barcelona is still a conservative. In his book "The Ethical Slut" written together with Dossie Easton blows up the boundaries between sexual identities to open relations open, or the opening of gender to pain, the group practice or meditation techniques. Here there are isolated communities of polyamory, BDSM and swinger without

"I am the United States and is the second time that I teach in Europe. Yet I know the context, but I spread my ideas here about sex will be a slow process because it is a Catholic country with concrete ideas about sexuality, and because things were much slower here. We first published "The Ethical Slut" in 1997 and at that time almost no one knew the term polyamory. In the second edition of 2010 the world had changed tremendously over ten years and polyamory was on the lips of almost everyone and everyone understood the term. The change was enormous. Here also there may be a slow change. "

In her workshop "bitches, promiscuous and Ethical Business: Principals of non-traditional styles of life"

Hardy loading the binary conception of sexual attraction which draws us man or woman.

"The design standard that says we are drawn to a man or a woman, although we speak of homo or heterosexual relations. But this is a preconception that affects a lot because in fact there is masculinity or femininity, so sometimes what attracts us is a strong masculine woman or a man of strong femininity. "

The title of the book uses the term "slut" (putot?) To discuss a concept provocatively.

Slut is someone who appreciates the input of sex as a way to connect and also to expand personally. This is not to say what kind of sex is good or bad, all are agreed to be provided. Us when we wrote the book "The Ethical Slut" wanted to remove the constraints and use a more inclusive: from spontaneous relationships, the "sex friends", even three pairs of models for the rest of his days .. . In fact it is entirely possible to be completely monogamous and "Slut", the important this is a personal choice. The provocative title we have a choice as many people think that being a "slut" and "ethics" is a contradiction, but we defend what is not, it can be very ethical and practice of sex. Who looks at all the possibilities of relations without prejudice and finally choose monogamy because he believes that he or she is made to ... fabulous, I am in complete agreement. But usually people are monogamous because they think that is the only way of being and moral point. "

"I think increasingly people recognize that monogamy does not work. In some people but gives happiness to many people, and seek other ways of "family look" as they are tribal. American families are small: mother, father and son a little more. The family is too small. As humans we operate best in small tribes and families that this is the direction that moves the poliamoria, create families, increase the tribe. "

So Janet Hardy stands for his analysis about polyamory and open relationships, and personal experience to analyze the mechanisms that generate the jealousy, the possessiveness, etc..

"I spent 15 years living in a monogamous marriage and I realized that she wanted to continue with what he could not promise monogamy forever. It makes me feel like a property and I do not feel well. In fact I found myself in a monogamous relationship without thinking, and this is what I feel terrible, because monogamy is usually elected because they have thought of another option. I would also say that my first marriage ended but we are still friends, share custody of the children, and so far we correspond. I do not feel it was a failed marriage but that ended when we heard that it should. On the contrary, I think it is a successful marriage. "

A phrase book makes clear one of the most important thought of Janet Hardy "Love Net: love without expectations."

"There is no expectation of a perfect person with whom they live even in a bright life. Expectations of a long life does not usually work in monogamy. You will not find someone to fill all your needs. There will be people who go for a walk, someone with whom you have sex, someone going to the cinema ... but filled all the expectations one person? This is not realistic.

If you love someone and that person loves someone else might not rest but is adding. I actually have a new friend can add, generate new sources of excitement and can contribute much to the couple. The polyamory is not so much "or" but "and" not "this or that or another." It is an inclusive approach to life. "

Sagar VERDAGUER MALE, July 2012